her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I smell stomach acid.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
