Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
