yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
