Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
