The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
