It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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