so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
