he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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