Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The best revenge is premature balding
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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