I could have mohawked her pubes.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
