She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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