Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
