You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
