just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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