i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
