so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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