exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
