Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
