my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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