I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
