that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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