my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
