It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
