I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
