...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
