Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
