you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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