I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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