I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
