And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
