I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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