i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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