so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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