I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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