I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
