guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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