She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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