nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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