so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
