I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
