dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
