Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
