He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
