he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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