nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I want her autograph on my taint
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
