I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize