How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
