this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
