He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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