cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
smell my finger.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
