I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
