I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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