We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
