got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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