Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
this boner is exhausting
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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