upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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