Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
