He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
