I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
