My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
