I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
