That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dignity is for republicans.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
