Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
