So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Please, let me fuck your mom
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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