She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
