Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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