Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
