dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He's on the porch naked. Help.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
