I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
