Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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