just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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