Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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