I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
