The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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